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May the ‘Death’ Force Be with Ghana?

Posted in Africa

Once again, this post is about Ghana. In my previous post, the accurate history behind the origin of the word, Greenwich Meridian was uncovered, enlightening readers.  GMT, the basic unit of time in Ghana was well explained in the previous post.

Better still, when GMT is paired with the Death Force in Ghana, amazing results happen.

Star Wars: we all know. What you might not know is how much we can relate Star Wars to Ghana. A quick rundown might put your mind at ease, and into the right perspective for this article.

In Star Wars, there’s something they call ‘The Force‘. The Force is everywhere across the universe. The Force is strong, and enough to even raise feelings relating to the presence of an enemy or friend.

As expected, there exist the Dark side of The Force (my favorite), which counter-works against The Force (the good force).

What the writers of Star Wars forgot to depict in their episodes was the fact that, there exist an even stronger force that each destroyed droid or solder ends up in. Even Yoda ended up in one.

The Death Force

The Death Force, originates only from one place – Ghana.

The Death Force is defined as

“the extreme love for the dead and ceremonies relating to the dead”

Surprisingly, this force doesn’t affect the dead, rather the living. Known as funerals, the Death Force has transformed many Ghanaians into funeral maniacs. This Force has been around for ages, yet it is, unfortunately, getting stronger by the days.

For instance, this article by CNN delved deeper into this Death Force and explained most of the issues resulting for the getting stronger of the dark force.

Amazing
Amazing

So let’s take the CNN article and consider the facts, as to how true they are on the ground, considering there’s a Death Force, actuating the minds of people.

Ghanaians may spend as much money on funerals as on weddings, sometimes even more.

NO! Ghanaian’s spend more money on funerals than ANY other occasions. An average Death Force funeral even more than a bloated wedding.

Funerals have become everything to the extent that, to die is a privilege held so much that, even ‘suiciders’ enjoy an amazing burial, although according to our local cultures, ain’t supposed to be so.

Most funerals are held on the weekends, most frequently on Saturdays. Mourners, usually dressed in black or black and red traditional funeral clothing, may travel to other towns or villages, and in turn they expect the bereaved families to provide food, drinks, music and dance.

Well, kinda. The truth is, let’s say Mr. A died today, this is the program schedule by default.

Next week, the same day Mr. A died, a one-week celebration will be held. That’s no crying gathering. The Death Force turns such gathering meant to bring the heads of relatives together and find a burial date cum where to bury etc, into a merry-making event.

The day will end with great music, dancing, and everyone will go home forgetting death is even a bad thing, considering it was fun.

For some, after 40 days of death, another Death Force ceremony is held – 40 days anniversary.

After a month or couple of months after the 40 days anniversary, the actual funeral happens, and this is the typical timeline:

  • Thursday: Relatives from far and wide start arriving
  • Friday: Raising up tents begin
  • Saturday: The actual climax of the funeral thanks to the Death Force.
  • Sunday: They attend church to bless the Lord
  • Monday: They sit to ‘calculate’ gains and losses incurred
  • Tuesday: Relatives start retreating.

Now that is how many days? Funerals these days, powered by the Death Force, doesn’t last a mere weekend anymore. The longer, the better. Don’t wanna stick to the above outline? You’re doomed! You will be labeled as an inconsiderate, disrespectful widow or widower or relative should you insist on going again the Death Force rules on funerals.

The Aftermath

Many have tried and ended up in real trouble connecting afterward with relatives. It’s happened to us before. Stick to the Death Force plans if you can, otherwise, you might hear others say you buried your loved ones like a pig or goat or hen. Yep!

Thus, a carpenter may have a coffin shaped like a hammer, or a shoe for a shoemaker. There are also caskets shaped like Coca-Cola bottles and airplanes.

Because why not! The featured image is a house, a mansion. Don’t be fooled by the design. Within, there is the kitchen and washrooms. With a little assistance from Ant-Man or Atom, we might be able to reproduce a great house simply by enlarging it.

To help you get a fair idea, I’ve labeled it too. Feel free to learn the basics, it might show up in your next exams in school.

The Death Force is now ensuring extreme creativity in designs of caskets. Was the dead a farmer? How about a cutlass! Fisherman? A fish. Cocoa farmer? Cocoa!

Make sure to live a responsible life, for you might end up being buried in what you did while alive. Rappers are getting Microphone-shaped caskets. So if you’re a rapist, be careful! You don’t wanna have your casket shaped like something.

Ghanaians revere the dead so much that funerals are at the heart of Ghanaians’ social life.

No! Funerals aren’t at the heart of the social life of Ghanaians. Funerals are THE HEART!

Lavish spending on funerals has invited criticism from political and religious leaders.

Duh!

“We are investing in the dead rather than the living … and that is bad,”

There are many instances where when alive, the sick had nothing to eat, nor a place to sleep. No one took care of him/her. Didn’t have food to eat. Yet after his/her demise, the dead’s children fly double Decker flights back home and raise a funeral huge enough to pick up space.

It is extremely silly to witness millions of dollars spent in burying the dead whereas the alive hardly get a place to sleep or something to drink or eat.

The Death Force, using telepathy or whatnot, has taken control of Ghana’s society, and in union with the ‘Green-Witch’, wasting the time and money of many unsuspecting individuals.

Funerals in recent years are expensive, and when well planned, can be a form of income generating. Some have derived the positions of Funeral Managers/Planners. In many instances, people are hired to cry, just to dampen the mode and emotions of the attendees.

It is believed, by making people sympathize more, expect huge donations. Others accept the garbage-in-garbage-out policy, thus raises a big event, hoping the sheer scale of the program will impress on the minds of attendees to fund.

Although this rarely translates into getting huge returns, some have pulled off similar stunts, and the one in a million scenarios where it was a success has driven many into an abyss of debt – debt that takes them in many cases, years to cover.

It’s even sad to know some don’t even finish paying the debt incurred by burying a loved one before they end up in a similar 6-feet underground pit.

Conclusion

As I put down these thoughts, 4 funerals are lined up in my area. I’ll be back to report to you the Death Force Race, regarding who won throwing the biggest funeral.

The love for the dead, and burying them extravagantly has resulted in the formation of groups, groups that make no sense. Will touch on that in a subsequent article.