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Messed Up Men – What if I was born to conduct a ballet?

Posted in Africa

“What if I was born to conduct a ballet? But…”

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Unfortunately, this kid might grow up, knowing not how to write or read any of her local languages nor that of English. If only proper education is available in the home, it won’t be much of a trouble, except the mother, grandmother and probably great-grandmother all followed a similar pattern

As low as 10 years, she will probably be betrothed to a similar fashioned uneducated (messed up man). At age 15 or just after she passes her puberty, she’ll start raising kids.

She won’t give birth at the hospital or clinic too. All her kids will be delivered in the house. Nothing like the cesarean section in their world – You either give birth in peace, or when complications arise, you or the kid die, or both.

She might live her entire life, probably thinking the world is made of Ghana, Burkina Faso, Mali, Nigeria, Togo and maybe Ivory Coast. She might never hear the world Netherlands, or even South Africa.

Man has taken advantage of Woman to the extreme. Can you turn the tips of the scale?

Treated like unrelenting machines

She will be treated like a donkey by the society, rigged to favor the male, working round the clock to provide for herself and the countless kids who depend on her and only her. Although the kids do belong to the man (paternal family system), the woman will do all the heavy lifting.

Early in the morning, she goes to the farm to gather firewood to prepare food for the husband, who she’s probably the second or third wife to. There isn’t anything as one and only wife in their system. As a woman, you rather pray not many women are added as wives since this goes against the already insignificant support the so-called messed up man who’s considered the head of family provides.

She will prepare a great soup, with awesome meat, meat or fish she worked hard in the scorching sun during the day as a low-to-earth trader. She might have walked over 10 miles to reach her trading stop, although the man has a motor to drop his wife at any point in town. He won’t. Why would he. He’ll be considered a douche-bag in his community.

His respect will drop through the roof into the sink and flashed down headed towards an endless pit just because he’s put her wife’s needs into consideration.

“I was evicted from a rented house just because I helped my wife by pounding the Fufu.”

So, food is ready, Since the man of the family is responsible for sharing food (cooked by the woman, which the man contributed not even a single penny to), this girl (by the then woman) will end up getting no meat. She can’t complain, can’t argue, can’t question, can’t anything!

What she can do is, with an empty stomach, and crying kids around, get inside a room, wait in line for the husband to release his lazy day stress onto her via sex. Behold, the 5th kid is on the way.

Liken their societal structure to the “Lion’s share” system. The females do all the work, the men do none of the work.

More wifes, one husband

This girl won’t be allowed to marry more than a man, but the husband can, as much as he wants. In fact, she can bring home any lady anytime. The wife will be asked to leave the house, to leave space for the unwanted guest brought in by the man. How dare her not give some of her prepared meal to this guest, if that’ll mean going to bed hungry, same as kids. It’s considered a high-level hospitality when done so.

After only-God-knows-where this girl slept over the night, she’ll be required to be home early, to warm water for this unwanted guest to bath before leaving in the morning. What happened overnight between the (messed up) man with this unwanted guest lady isn’t business-related, no country-building in nature. It was just a sex test-drive, weighing the options of whether she needs to join the ‘herd’ of women called in periodically, and called ‘wives’

Her status in the society is to be quite, and silent. She’s considered useless. She’s of little importance. She doesn’t know how important she is because she knows nothing. She can’t read. She only knows what she’s told. Although schooling is free, her father won’t likely send her to school.

She might grow ignorant and die ignorant. Whatever she does, both in the society, or family won’t be enough, nor appreciated. She’s nothing. She’s just she!

During festivals and the display of Kingship whatsoever, she might be asked to stay indoors, because she’s a female, and females will be sacrificed spiritually upon seeing the king. She’ll be on the wrong side of life for her entire life. She has no pension benefits. She benefits in no way from anyone.

Her daily routine might look like this: Prepare malnourished food for the family. Serve the (messed up) man separately. Do house chores, many of them, including washing clothes. There’s something to wash every day, always. No tap water nearby, no borehole nearby. Carrying heavy gallons over long distances, maybe a kilometer or two, when fortunate, is the available option.

At home, house chores continue. All her kids probably won’t be schooling. Playing all day in dust means more dirt pile for next day.

It’s getting late. If the (messed up) husband went to the market, he probably will come back home with his own meat bought at the butcher. The meat ain’t for the family. It’s for the man and man only. Woe betides her if dinner isn’t ready. She knows, and keeps to the time.

She prepared the meal, not from money given to her. Does she work to feed the family, get it? When the man works, he feeds who? The family? Never.

She came to meet this policy. She can’t question. Her mother’s mother did so with continuity from her mother. And now it’s her turn. Females work to feed the family, or her family, in this case, her 5 children, and the husband.

Married to five wives? All the wives will feed, in turn, only one man. She’ll be treated like an animal, even losing the respect part. All she could do to gain a tiny bit of respect is by bending down so low when greeting a messed up man. She might go as low as the knees touching the ground. That’s it!

Even with that, it doesn’t give her the respect one would expect, but rather makes her a good candidate for having sex that night. Why! She’s the 5th or 4th wife. She pleases the husband with such minor deeds, and in turn, the messed up husband says thank you for having sex with.

She’ll be treated like a sex and birth-giving machine. She can’t and won’t be allowed to do family planning. Never. She’s not supposed to hinder the child-bearing prowess of the messed up husband in any way. She’ll be considered insulting the man, and she will be considered doing an abominable thing. Why she doesn’t want the messed up man to raise the kids ‘in him’?

She will be sexually abused. She will be used to. She will learn what messed up men want. She won’t be able to give rough estimate even of how many times she’s had sex. She doesn’t know how to count properly. She was uneducated/unschooled. She will be trained to consider sexual abuse as part of her role as the female. How dare her say no to ‘sex-time’. It’s either today or, yep, today! No excuse.

Her age is nothing to the messed up, man. She needs to deliver the required tasks.

She wanted and needed to be a ballet conductor. She needed and wanted to dive into music. She wanted to be creative. She wanted to be respected. She wanted to be loved. She’s a human. She’s a female, the very crucial organism to man’s existence. She brings up the men, yet she’s considered the lowliest.

She was not exposed to anything outside her confines. Wanting to be a ballet conductor or musician wouldn’t have been in her dreams. She doesn’t know what music is. She won’t know what ballet is.

What she wanted and needed to be, is WHAT anyone outside her condition would envision for his or her daughter.

She’s a victim of a crazy society. A society that’s lasted for decades if not centuries. A society that always adapts traditions all cooked to look down on women. She was unfortunate. There’s little she could have done.

She can’t leave. She doesn’t know she has to leave. She’ll be like a robot, only with a conscience and guilt and thoughts and consciousness. She’ll be brainwashed since day one on earth.

She doesn’t know she needs help.

She’s only one of Hundreds of women treated like this, or even worse in some parts of Northern of Ghana.

She’ll leave her life innocent till death, but will be treated harshly.

She will become all that, because of Messed Up Men!